At Saddleback, we believe the same five purposes God calls us to live in the life of the church serve as the basis of a healthy marriage. These five purposes when applied to marriage reflect five ways to build a healthy marriage:
Does he really love me?
Why won't she respect me?
I don't feel important to him anymore.
I can't seem to do anything right.
Honor is one of the most forgotten aspects of a healthy marriage. Too often we spend time looking out for ourselves instead of our spouse. Yet God has called us to honor our spouse as an act of worship to him. Surrendering your rights for the sake of oneness with your spouse and choosing to honor one another will bring you to a new level of intimacy, oneness, and fulfillment in your marriage.
Why doesn't he talk with me like he used to?
We used to never argue like this before!
Isn't sex a central part of intimacy?
What happened to the romance in our relationship?
Most of us marry with the idea that our lives will sustain the feelings of relational bliss we had when we were dating. What we find is that reality is much more complex and other things compete for our attention. We worry about careers, money, appointments, repairs, bills, kids no wonder we feel distant from our spouses. Together, you can experience a deeper marital intimacy that will have a stronger influence on where and how you spend your time than the pull of everyday life.
Does God really have anything to say about our marriage?
Why is it so hard for us to pray together?
We're so different, how can we really help each other grow spiritually?
We don't have time for each other let alone time to focus on God.
Growing in our relationship with Christ is a struggle. Add to that the complexities of two people who are busy and different, and you find that God is an afterthought. Your marriage can be the ultimate training ground for a person who wants to be a follower of Jesus, and the spiritual intimacy you always wanted with your spouse can be a reality.
If he would only change, things would be better.
Why can't she see things from my perspective?
Why can't we seem to get on the same page together?
We seem to work against each other instead of with each other.
God has created each of us differently. We see this most clearly when it comes to men and women. We are different by design. As a couple, you can learn to appreciate your differences, know how to respond in effective ways, and use them to form a partnership and teamwork.
What should be our goal as a couple?
What do other people think when they look at our marriage?
Can we really help other couples when we can't help ourselves?
We don't seem to have a sense of where we are going we just exist together.
For many of us, we tend to move through this world hoping that the next random activity will bring the meaning we search for. Your marriage can produce the music of the gospel where others can observe unity, love, and peace in a beautiful harmonic marriage which sends a message of hope to others.